Hey Federals: Popcorn Said Fuck You
I jus' finished readin' an article in th' most recent issur of Chronicles magazeen 'bout th' life 'n times of an American hero, Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton. 'N also his recent deth, by suicide, after he wuz sentenced by sum "prim judge" to 18 mos. in th' Fed'rul pokey fir makin' shine. 'N havin' red th' article (Letter From Tennessee: Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton, June 2009, page 39), ol' Jones is madder thin a hive-a kicked bees, 'n is all th' more resolved t' fight th' golderned Federal Leviathan, 'til his dyin' day.
Read 'bout Sutton's story here, here, 'n here. ('N kudos t' Debbie Schlussel, whom I've critercized here fir other reasons.)
Ain't never hurda th' man before, 'n I wuz th' poorer fir it. So wuz you, if'n ye hadn't. This man's story is th' kinda thang-att cud hep spark th' reverlushun America needs. He cud be a "tea party" icon sum day soon, if'n th' wurd gits out about him.
'L, ackshurally, more of a "Whiskey Rebellion" icon, fir, like I sed, ol' Popcorn wuz a moonshiner. An unrepentant moonshiner. A brave moonshiner. A moonshiner who "shined ohn" th' fool Federals, 'til they finally got embahrassed 'n angry over his open rebellion 'n came upohn him like a packa mad dogs.
This is how th' writer of th' Chronicles article, Tom Landess, sees it. He likens' Sutton's rebellion t' thait of 'em fellers who rebelled in th' Whiskey Rebellion, but beyond thait, he sees all-ese rebels as emblematic of a lohng-standin' anti-Federal mentality thait points th' way t' th' redemption of our country. We been in th' clutches of overweenin' gummint, 'speshually Fed'rul gummint, fir far too lohng, 'n now th' damn fool libruls' Boy Wonder wahnts t' expaind th' scope of Fed'rul power dramatically. 'Em bastards need t' be told t' *git back* tho, 'n quit messin' whar they shudn't be a-messin', like in th' area of alcohol 'n at least sum currently illicit drugs, like marijuana. A feller oughter be able t' make-att white lightnin' 'n grow 'em doobie plaints, if'n he so chooses, 'n th' Morality 'n Health Nazis need t' be told t' go strait t' hail.
Landess pulls no punches whin it comes t' this latest story 'bout Fed tyranny :
Following Popcorn's arrest, ATF Special Agent James Cavanaugh proclaimed, "Moonshine is romaticized in folklore and in the movies. The truth though is that moonshine is a dangerous health issue and breeds other crime."
Not as dangerous to health as the ATF. You will recall that this same agency was complicit in killing 78 people at Waco, including 21 children and 2 pregnant women. When it came time to investigate this federal massacre, the chief of ATF operations at Waco said there were no guns on the government helicopters. Under questioning, he changed his story, admitting there were indeed guns, just no mounted guns. A bullet from a hand-held gun is just as lethal as one from a mounted gun.
Who was the leader of the ATF at the Waco massacre, whom critics hae charged with lying to investigators? The same James Cavanaugh. Question: Over the years, who has posed the greater threat to human life - poor old Popcorn Sutton or the federal government, led by trigger-happy hotshots like Cavanaugh? The evidence seems clear. The score is at least 78 - 0, not counting Ruby Ridge. . . .
While many attitudes and values have changed over the past 200-plus years, some have remained constant. Government still wants to tax sin, in general, and whiskey, in particular. Ordinary people believe fiercely, unequivocally that such taxes are wrong, indeed downright wicked. What we see in the case of Popcorn Sutton is the continuation of the Whiskey Rebellion, which began in George Washington's administration and threatened the very existence of the new nation. . . .
It was Alexander Hamilton's idea to impose an excise tax on whiskey - to raise revenue to pay off the war debt of the colonies and establish the right (sic) of the federal government to jerk the chain of the newly freed citizenry. As Hamilton put it, the whiskey tax was "more as a measure of social discipline than as a source of revenue." Hamilton was the quintessential apostle of Big Government. Aaron Burr did the right thing for the wrong reason.
Landess goes ohn t' give a short but very interestin' account of wut happened durin' that ol' Whiskey Rebellion, how George Washin'ton led an army 'ginst th' rebels n' all, puttin th' rebellion down in Penn. but fearin' t' send th' boys of th' fed'rul army into th' "hills and valleys of the outlands", where wild whiskey rebs woulda whupped they asses real gud in a devastatin' guerilla campaign 'ginst 'em. 'Em backwoods rebs have been distillin' ever saince:
In 1802, Congress repealed the law that precipitated the Whiskey Rebellion. However, today it is still illegal to make whiskey, even for your own consumption - a law that defies common sense. As a consequence, the spirit of (Whiskey Rebellion hero) Tom the Tinker lives on, particularly in the mountains of Appalachia, where white lightning remains a respectable beverage. . . .
Some of (Popcorn's) admirers have said that the making of moonshine is a dying craft, that Popcorn was the last late practitioner. They complain that there's no money in moonshine anymore, that soon enough no one will even know how to make the stuff.
Don't you believe it. The spirit of Tom the Tinker and Popcorn Sutton will rule the mountains until the final trumpet echoes in the smoking valleys. Raw-boned mountain boys already know it isn't just the money. It's the incomparable thrill of thumbing your nose at Alexander Hamilton. Popcorn has left them the how-to DVD. A dozen young towheaded adventurers are back in the mountains right now, soldering coils together, cooking sour mash, listening to the drip, drip, drip of their own fierce defiance. And they don't give a damn for George Washington's army.
The photo at th' top of-iss-here entry is of Popcorn's hedstone.
"Live free or die." "Deo Vindice." Or wut Popcorn sed ohn-att hedstone.
Jus' *git back*, outta our faces, ye damn Fed'ruls.
S. Jones
Snaggle-Tooth Jones
in Damn Fool Liberals and No-Account Neocons, Libertarian Culture of Mountainfolk and Plainsfolk, Revolutionary Roots, The Federals
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